I Got 25 Cents.

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After telling my friends and family for a few months now that I’m in the middle of a quarter life crisis, and having NO ONE believe me… I came across a buzz feed article that is titled: “10 Signs You’re Having a Quarter- Life Crisis.” And guess what happened? Just Guess.

I scrolled through the article and every “sign” of a quarter life crisis is happening in my life right now, and has been happening for a year now.

GREAT. Is there a help center for this crisis? Still not sure.

The truth is upon me, and Google shut down the other morning for 30 minutes. The world could very well be ending.

I am a self-diagnosed victim of the quarter life crisis, and a peer-diagnosed dramatic. I also make up my own words to describe my true feelings.

On that note… My symptoms are as follows:

Comparing My Life:

I am 22 years old (I’ll be 23 in exactly 5 months), and my parents got married at 22. Not engaged… MARRIED. Who am I engaged to? No one. And while being single is fabulous, and I love being an “independent white woman” … I’m not getting any younger. And I seriously can not wrap my mind around the idea that I could ever be married right now… but just saying.

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My 3 best friends being “independent white women” Circa 2009.

The Future Freaks Me Out:

I constantly have “anxiety” attacks about my future. I’m still wondering the answers to the following questions: “When am I graduating?” “Where am I going to live?” which might be normal… but I’m still asking myself “What am I going to be when I grow up?” Which is why it’s annoying when anyone asks me “Hey Mychael! What are you going to do after college?” (Am I ever graduating college?) I want to fall to the ground and put my face in their pant leg and cry “I DON’T KNOW. HELP!” Obviously I’m very sensitive about this topic.

My Mind Is My Own Worst Enemy:

I am so indecisive it’s disgusting. Let’s say I did get offered a great job in California (hi, my dream) I would first of all pass out, call my best friend and that’s as far as I can think right now, and I mean, I can’t even order off of a menu without starting a conversation with my server every time because I can’t make decisions without considering the what ifs… “Like… What’s your favorite because I really like the quesadilla, but I’m also craving chocolate…” And then I order shrimp and grits. WHO DOES THAT?

On top of those things…

I also go through these weird waves of self diagnosed depression. It’s a vicious cycle of depression and indecisiveness (see above). Why am I not traveling the world and being swept off my feet in some European country? I relate too closely to David at the Dentist: “Is this real life, and is this going to be like this forever?” This, meaning getting financial support from my parents, only going to the bar for happy hour because I’m too poor to afford full price, never having enough time in a day… *insert your first world pain here*

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If stressing yourself out was a class I would have aced it

…every semester for the past 2 years (see above statements). A year ago I went to my doctor (after my mom suggested) and explained to him that I get really “stressed” out sometimes, and get really hot and have to leave the room. He tried to put me on all sorts of depression meds, and I refused. He resorted to Xanex (the smallest dose), but when I came back for a follow up appointment, I told him I was still having these “anxiety attacks.” He laughed and said “Oh you’re not the only one. Many college students come to me with these symptoms during their senior year. It should pass.” SYMPTOMS? The crisis was upon me, and there was no medicine that could help me. Thanks, Doc!

So, GREAT. Here I am. Still going through these “issues.” The problem is myself…(I guess), and I know I’m not the only one with these feelings. Someone else has got to agree that this is an actual thing. I can’t just be making it all up.

I think sometimes my so called “anxiety” is actually bottled up excitement and confusion. It’s like this twist in my stomach when I think to much into a situation. Simple things like going to work gives me the same feeling I get when waiting to here back from a potential employer… *the waiting game* and the *i don’t know what’s next.* My quarter life crisis is a mix between “OH EM GEE I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON!” and “I CAN’T WAIT FOR WHAT IS NEXT I AM ABOUT TO EXPLODE!”

So I came up with some ways to self medicate (my 25 cents for a quarter life crisis):

1. BreatheStretch, Shake, Let it go… listen to “wear sunscreen” and feel inspired, and attempt at attending yoga classes.

2. Craft. Crafting is very therapeutic. It’s something you can never do “wrong” which relieves the feeling of “what if i fail?” You can’t fail because it’s your craft! Try not to compare it to “SouthernGirlsLoveAmerica”‘s craft on pinterest… then you will feel like a failure.

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Shadow Box crafted by yours truly. (Real sand dollar I found)

3. Get Off Social Media. This is easier said then done, but it helps. Seeing everyone accomplish another milestone in their life is very exciting, but can also be a slap in the face… considering you’re still in college, your best friend is married, and your other friend just landed a rock star career in New York.

4. Write to Vent or Vent to Write. Use a Journal to release all your feelings, or call/ meet a friend and talk about your quarter life crisis and then write about. Writing can also be very therapeutic. The hardest part about having a journal is actually writing the truth, not what you wish the truth was. If you accomplish this, let me know.

Warnings:

I don’t have the answers to this crisis, but I do feel like I’m not alone. Anyone want to share? It’s a scary time in life venturing into the unknown… standing at the edge of the cliff before the dive (did anyone picture Bella jumping to see Edward underwater?) It’s scary, but also very exciting. I think it’s better to be aware of the challenge then to ignore it. I’m at the beginning of my twenties, and it’s about to be one hell of an adventure. I can’t wait to grab hold of this crisis and find what life has to offer and “redefine” myself over and over again.

J.R.R. Tolkien said it best: “All that is gold does not glitter., and not all those who wander are lost…”

***

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2 thoughts on “I Got 25 Cents.

  1. Let me tell you about the quarter life crisis I suffered over a year ago! It’s more common then not especially as an (almost) college graduate. You aren’t really sure of anything: where you will live, what you will do for a living, how the heck you are going to afford it and who will be there with you-moral support. At the time, my internship was not hiring and I was devastated. My dream job some how seemed unattainable. I found myself working at a vet hospital full time and hating life after graduation. I worked hard and job searched every day to find the job I have now and the wait was well worth it!
    This is what you have to remember during this time: Everyone goes through something like this at one point or another and how you handle it will prove to yourself just how strong and awesome of a person you are! Keep your head up and enjoy this “going with the flow” mentality! Distract yourself with fun things and don’t let the stress over take your life. Your not lost just in a place of discovering. Once you graduate, go discover! 🙂

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