A Love Story Gone Bad.

I fell in love with a bank teller once, or maybe that’s not the title, because he worked in an office of his own.

It felt like I walked into our first date. We shook hands, made direct eye contact the whole session, but where were the flowers? What’s your name again?

He asked too many questions about hobbies and dreams I had. Is this the norm of bankers? Was he really into my Audrey Hepburn graphic tee tucked into my patterned blue hi low skirt? Maybe it was the way my hair fell, that he had to know more about me.

Were we flirting or were  you give me your sales pitch?

Google defines flirting: “behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions.”

Did it bother you that I didn’t have a credit card and knew nothing about credit? How many questions did I ask? I wasn’t trying to be cute, those were all very genuine and thoughtful questions regarding credit.

After picking out my Georgia Bull Dawg Debit Card, he asked me, “What else do you like?” I’m assuming he meant besides the Dawgs.

This question should always be easy, but any time someone asks, I forget what I like. After the longest 5 seconds of silence in my life, I answer, “I also like the Jaguars…. and writing… I have a blog… Word Vomit”

When is there a time to brag about yourself? Maybe during TED applications, that’s when, but not here, not to this bank teller. How old are you?

What once was love, now felt like hate and mockery.

Well I got news for you, bow man.

It’s weird you lived in Athens, and you’re a Florida Gator fan.

Your bow tie was strange, but you were cute.

So maybe it wasn’t love, maybe it was just too weird of a instance not to notice.

Looking back, I mean, if he asked me out, I would say yes.

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W.V.W.

Happy Word Vomit Wednesday!

If you’re wondering what DA HECK I’m talking about… check out my first official “word vomit.”

1. I have way over ten different blog drafts saved that I’ve started and haven’t finished… mainly because I go back and forth in my mind a million times wondering if it’s appropriate to post on the internet… or how could I make it appropriate? Some people’s whole career is based on being inappropriate. Chelsea Handler… for example. And then there’s Paula Dean, who obviously wasn’t in a position to speak her mind. Sorry Paula.

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The untitled draft is about my duck killing ventures…*LEAK*

2. THIS. Down Town Vision Inc just posted this article about a stair case to no where found in underground Downtown Jacksonville. Thoughts?

3. Pub Subs. I have so much love for Pub Subs, and Publix in general. Now they’re an official sponsor of the Jacksonville Jaguars. Do I need to say anything else? NO. Shopping truly is a pleasure at Publix, but now shopping at Publix is a mind blowing experience thanks to their new TOASTER. That’s right, if you didn’t know, now you’ve heard it from me. Publix is now able to toast your sub. Think about the Boar’s Head Turkey heated under the freshly sliced Gouda Cheese melted to perfected on a just baked loaf of bread. I’m salivating, bye.

4. Dirty Martini’s are my favorite drink right now. My previous “favorite drinks” were, but were never limited to: Bloody Mary, White Russian… okay fine that’s all I got.

5. Can watching movies be a hobby?

6. I ordered my first audio book yesterday (not including my Disney cassette tapes read along books that I stuck in my fisher price cassette player with a micro phone). It was something about surviving in your twenties after graduation. I need all the help I can get.

**End Vom Sesh**

Up!

Growing up, I’ve always loved Disney movies. I mean I was born into a Little Mermaid room…Today, I still love Disney movies. I didn’t need an excuse to see Monster’s University, I just went. I LOVE DISNEY.

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Continuing on the Mermaid Legacy.

The difference between watching Disney movies, like Toy Story or A Bug’s Life, then and now… is finally getting the punch line. If you’re a fellow 90’s babies, LIKE ME, think back to hearing all the moms and dads crack up laughing at a certain part of the movie, and you asking, “Mom, why is everyone laughing? I don’t get it.” Now looking back, you probably see the hidden innuendo… So inappropriate Disney, and genius!

Walt Disney, such an innovative and creative man. How could he have possibly known that a drawing of his would later turn into an empire and a house hold norm? Disney Channel, Disney World, Disney Land, The Disney Store… The list goes on and on. Unless crystal balls are real, as hinted by a few Disney Classics, I’m pretty positive he didn’t know… he just kept on keeping on.

“Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious… and curiously keeps leading us down new paths.” -Meet the Robinsons

I’ve read this quote over and over again, and it seems so much simpler said than done. What’s the hidden meaning here Disney? It’s sounds pretty straight forward…

People who are successful in their field always seem like they just woke up one day, and BOOM! they are the CEO of a huge company, bringing in bank, but it’s not typically true. Someone give me a statistic here.

So my advice (to you if you want it and mostly myself):

Look back, but not for very long. We need to remember the bad to hold onto the new found good. What’s bad now, wasn’t always bad then, and what’s good now wasn’t always good then. Remember the mistakes that made you who you are today, whatever chapter in life you may be at.

Be curious. Curious enough to break down new walls, to surprise yourself daily, and to wonder why.

Keep moving forward. As long as you’re holding on to the old, you can’t grab on to the new. This is a sick reality that’s hard to embrace, but feels sooooo good.

Watch Disney Movies, and one day when you have kids, make them watch Disney Movies. I love Disney Movies.

Failure isn’t the end, it’s a new beginning. There’s nowhere to go, but up!

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Give me feedback! I haven’t lived it all yet, I’m just telling it how I see it. What do you think about this quote? What’s good advice you’ve been given for moving on or taking a scary first step? Do you love Disney?

I Got 25 Cents.

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After telling my friends and family for a few months now that I’m in the middle of a quarter life crisis, and having NO ONE believe me… I came across a buzz feed article that is titled: “10 Signs You’re Having a Quarter- Life Crisis.” And guess what happened? Just Guess.

I scrolled through the article and every “sign” of a quarter life crisis is happening in my life right now, and has been happening for a year now.

GREAT. Is there a help center for this crisis? Still not sure.

The truth is upon me, and Google shut down the other morning for 30 minutes. The world could very well be ending.

I am a self-diagnosed victim of the quarter life crisis, and a peer-diagnosed dramatic. I also make up my own words to describe my true feelings.

On that note… My symptoms are as follows:

Comparing My Life:

I am 22 years old (I’ll be 23 in exactly 5 months), and my parents got married at 22. Not engaged… MARRIED. Who am I engaged to? No one. And while being single is fabulous, and I love being an “independent white woman” … I’m not getting any younger. And I seriously can not wrap my mind around the idea that I could ever be married right now… but just saying.

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My 3 best friends being “independent white women” Circa 2009.

The Future Freaks Me Out:

I constantly have “anxiety” attacks about my future. I’m still wondering the answers to the following questions: “When am I graduating?” “Where am I going to live?” which might be normal… but I’m still asking myself “What am I going to be when I grow up?” Which is why it’s annoying when anyone asks me “Hey Mychael! What are you going to do after college?” (Am I ever graduating college?) I want to fall to the ground and put my face in their pant leg and cry “I DON’T KNOW. HELP!” Obviously I’m very sensitive about this topic.

My Mind Is My Own Worst Enemy:

I am so indecisive it’s disgusting. Let’s say I did get offered a great job in California (hi, my dream) I would first of all pass out, call my best friend and that’s as far as I can think right now, and I mean, I can’t even order off of a menu without starting a conversation with my server every time because I can’t make decisions without considering the what ifs… “Like… What’s your favorite because I really like the quesadilla, but I’m also craving chocolate…” And then I order shrimp and grits. WHO DOES THAT?

On top of those things…

I also go through these weird waves of self diagnosed depression. It’s a vicious cycle of depression and indecisiveness (see above). Why am I not traveling the world and being swept off my feet in some European country? I relate too closely to David at the Dentist: “Is this real life, and is this going to be like this forever?” This, meaning getting financial support from my parents, only going to the bar for happy hour because I’m too poor to afford full price, never having enough time in a day… *insert your first world pain here*

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If stressing yourself out was a class I would have aced it

…every semester for the past 2 years (see above statements). A year ago I went to my doctor (after my mom suggested) and explained to him that I get really “stressed” out sometimes, and get really hot and have to leave the room. He tried to put me on all sorts of depression meds, and I refused. He resorted to Xanex (the smallest dose), but when I came back for a follow up appointment, I told him I was still having these “anxiety attacks.” He laughed and said “Oh you’re not the only one. Many college students come to me with these symptoms during their senior year. It should pass.” SYMPTOMS? The crisis was upon me, and there was no medicine that could help me. Thanks, Doc!

So, GREAT. Here I am. Still going through these “issues.” The problem is myself…(I guess), and I know I’m not the only one with these feelings. Someone else has got to agree that this is an actual thing. I can’t just be making it all up.

I think sometimes my so called “anxiety” is actually bottled up excitement and confusion. It’s like this twist in my stomach when I think to much into a situation. Simple things like going to work gives me the same feeling I get when waiting to here back from a potential employer… *the waiting game* and the *i don’t know what’s next.* My quarter life crisis is a mix between “OH EM GEE I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON!” and “I CAN’T WAIT FOR WHAT IS NEXT I AM ABOUT TO EXPLODE!”

So I came up with some ways to self medicate (my 25 cents for a quarter life crisis):

1. BreatheStretch, Shake, Let it go… listen to “wear sunscreen” and feel inspired, and attempt at attending yoga classes.

2. Craft. Crafting is very therapeutic. It’s something you can never do “wrong” which relieves the feeling of “what if i fail?” You can’t fail because it’s your craft! Try not to compare it to “SouthernGirlsLoveAmerica”‘s craft on pinterest… then you will feel like a failure.

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Shadow Box crafted by yours truly. (Real sand dollar I found)

3. Get Off Social Media. This is easier said then done, but it helps. Seeing everyone accomplish another milestone in their life is very exciting, but can also be a slap in the face… considering you’re still in college, your best friend is married, and your other friend just landed a rock star career in New York.

4. Write to Vent or Vent to Write. Use a Journal to release all your feelings, or call/ meet a friend and talk about your quarter life crisis and then write about. Writing can also be very therapeutic. The hardest part about having a journal is actually writing the truth, not what you wish the truth was. If you accomplish this, let me know.

Warnings:

I don’t have the answers to this crisis, but I do feel like I’m not alone. Anyone want to share? It’s a scary time in life venturing into the unknown… standing at the edge of the cliff before the dive (did anyone picture Bella jumping to see Edward underwater?) It’s scary, but also very exciting. I think it’s better to be aware of the challenge then to ignore it. I’m at the beginning of my twenties, and it’s about to be one hell of an adventure. I can’t wait to grab hold of this crisis and find what life has to offer and “redefine” myself over and over again.

J.R.R. Tolkien said it best: “All that is gold does not glitter., and not all those who wander are lost…”

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