In Need of Light Anger Management.

It’s time to come clean.

And I’m not referring to all the car tagging I did in high school…whoops. I’ve been struggling to write for a while now. I log onto word press (mychaeltaylor.wordpress.com) and stare at all my posts and wonder if I will ever be able to write again (dramatic? I don’t care).

What’s so strange about life is that it constantly vomits all over us and never leaves us with a breath of fresh non-vomit air. Was that a disgusting visual? I don’t care. Recently I’ve had a death in the family, and I couldn’t help but feel angry, not at anyone in particular. Just angry. Similar to the anger I feel when I “can’t” write.

It’s not that I can’t write… It’s that (maybe) I am terrified my “self diagnosed” ADD (which I think is actually a real issue for me) is going to kick in, and I won’t be able to finish a complete thought for the life of me… or maybe I’m not trying hard enough. Maybe it’s all a “cop out” to quote my dad on accident, again.

Planning free writing to me sounds strange. I don’t like it. This isn’t a graded essay.

The most upsetting part about not adding to this blog recently, is the fact that I now have a AWESOME PROFESSIONAL logo created by the one and only Amanda Mason (what a beautiful visionary you are). I begged for her help, she made it as quick as possible, and then my mind went completely blank… I even made a facebook page to show off this brand new logo…

WordVomit_Logo

New logo. Zero new posts. What da heck?

Also I decided, some time in the middle of a very annoying typical conversation, that I was going to start referring to myself as a “fraduate.”

Fake + “Graduate” = Fraduate

I walked August 2nd (before I walked across the stage, I was seated next to a sorority sister, and she looked over at me and said, “What’s so embarrassing is some people walk, and then actually have to take more classes, can you believe that? Like how bad would that actually suck?” I responded… “Hi, me.”… awkward silence”, and I now have 3 electives to finish. ELECTIVES. WHY OH WHY? Can’t I just be like Einstein and drop out? School has always been a challenge for me. I’ve never been able to wrap my head around paying for/ attending a class I don’t want to learn about because I NEED it to graduate… I literally have taken almost every class my University has to offer… Why do I  need to have a piece of paper that says I have a bachelor’s degree. I know why, but just for the sake of the argument in my head…

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Biggie Smallz & I the day of the “Great Big Lie”

This too makes me angry. A similar anger to the feeling I feel when I can’t make someone understand.

Understand “what I mean when I said that.” Understand my humor, which sometimes makes the situation funnier… because I end up laughing at myself. (One year I received “Delta Gamma’s Best Sense of Humor” Award, and the next year I received “Delta Gamma’s Most Likely to Laugh at her Own Jokes” Award. The real question is… When did I become the only person to laugh at my own jokes? I wouldn’t even consider my self a jokester.)  Understand my meshed together words that I believe to be a sentence, but come out of my mouth to sound like… chubakkah’s wife. (I was once told I speak in riddles- great).

The art of understanding. Is it similar to the art of listening? Don’t you wish people would just stop cutting you off mid- sentence, and LISTEN! Why do some people have to have the answer for everything.

There isn’t an answer for everything. Everything is an “absolute” word,  and it’s just as hard as using: “never” or “always.”

I’m really not an angry person, I stress myself out more than I relax myself. All my anger derives from things I can’t change, and I believe I have that in common with a few humans on this planet. Death… status quo of education, understanding why… is all conversations that could maybe go on forever.

So maybe I need to get a grip, keep writing, and get over my fear of the unknown. It’s simple anger, simple enough to ignore for the time being.

Was anyone else spanked as a child?

Actual Word Vomit.

Cheers to new adventures, new discovers, and new ideas. Happy Wednesday to anyone and everyone that graces my site with their presence. After naming my blog “Word Vomit” last week I came up with the idea to have Word Vomit Wednesdays. Word Vomit Wednesday will be exactly that. It will be anything that’s going on in my life or in the world. It can be this week, next year ideas, or about my favorite song lyrics. It’s just a spin off of brainstorming.

With that said…

nfl_jaglogo_gb1_6001.Today I am almost brought to tears of happiness after watching THIS CLIP. Everbank Field posted it to Facebook… It’s a video of Josh Scobee visiting a die hard fan. Scobee gave him the shoe he wore when he kicked the ball in the field goal from 59 yards. Yes, I was there. Chills. So Proud. The best ending to a game ever. I feel a hash tag coming on. #STANDUNITED

2. My whole life I thought that caffeine doesn’t effect me, and energy drinks don’t make me hyper. I actually HATE the word hyper. I rarely use it, unless I’m quoting someone. The past few times I’ve bought iced coffees (mainly from McDonalds or Chamblin’s) I feel like this weird buzz of energy take over my body and shake a little and at the same time I still want to take a nap. It’s really weird. Basically I’m saying I think coffee effects me now…

3. I am now employed as the Space Pilot at CoWork Jax. I feel very weird about it, but I really like it. In fact- I LOVE IT. Looking forward to updating my LinkedIn Account! Shout out to everyone who believed in me!

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My dad came to visit an event I planned at CoWork& here’s me MCing!

4. I’m really loving all my friends and family in my life right now. I can’t get enough girl time. My life consists of girl time with20130724-144511.jpg an occasional best guy friend here and there. Not complaining. This is why you will never see me caption my facebook check-ins “GNO” – my life is one big GNO, or GNI for that matter. *GNI sounds like an STI, sorry. I have really great best friends. And funny. (2 nurse friends looking awkward with a palm tree- see right)

5. I’m graduating in 9ish days, probably. I say probably because I’m not sure if I’m actually graduating, but regardless I’m walking with a cap and gown August 2, 2013 at 10:30am. I’ve also decided I’m not going to explain this to people any more. I’m just going to say “I SURE AM” when people ask me if I’m graduating.

6. I almost got spit on today. I was walking from Chamblin’s when this women hocked a loogey and barely missed me. I’ve never been able to “hock a loogey.” Where’s Jack when you need him? Anyways, I jumped to my right almost into a tree to dodge it, but dodge it I did. She didn’t apologize. I didn’t care.

7. My previous post, “2 Girls. 2 Weeks.” is longer than 2 weeks, consists of more than 2 girls and the list is mediocre-ly coming along. I’ll update it today soon!           

8. Also… THIS SONG has been stuck in my head for the past week: “When I’m Gone.” I love love love her voice. I’m talking about replayed so many times, most people would already be sick of the song.

Thanks for sticking around for my very first WORD VOMIT. Ew.